omg

our family had guests, which are sleeping over today. (??)

we once visited our guests and i was like a totally outsider. i talked and 'hanged out' a bit with the younger girls but once they were gone i was just chilling around while my sister had fun with the other 'older' ones. today i had a bad feeling in the beginning as well. it was really uncomfortable. then i, my sister and a boy watched a movie together, since then it got better and i felt more natural. everything was fine i guess. until about 1-2 hours. i watched a horror movie with the cousin of the boy before and it was pretty normal. late when it got 'scarier' he took my hand and i just started laughing since i didnt expected that he was that scared. but he grabbed Both hands the hole movie. and that really tightly, atfer letting go clicking the next video, he took my hand again. and so on. when we finished the movie and watched with the laptop musicvideos he intended many times to grab my hand. after A LOT of tries he grabbed my wrist, and then my hand OO but let go right away. before i said goodbye because we had to go, he hugged me about 3 times, linked arms, and then kissed my cheek OO!

watching the movie together with him made me already think that he likes me but after that i guess it was 110% sure!! thats so.. like really, really awkward. i liked him because he always helped me out when i was making myself into an outsider, and he's really nice and funny and a good person, but .. liking me makes it SO awkward.

plus .. 

if it seems like people cant stand me, i feel like why? what have i done wrong? 

but when people like/love me, i think.. what is there to like about me? i seriously couldnt think of anything. i didn't speak much like almost nothing because i'm not good in my motherlanguage and shy. everything i did was laughing watching the movie.. can that even be enough ??

feels so strange. have to learn for a very, very important presentation tomorrow/ today //: