today ♥

somehow i really  like this picture!

today was a very good day ♥

actually i planed to go to the planetarium with three friends but when we went there the tickets were already sold out.. thats why we seperated after taking a last picture.

and because i didnt want the day to end like that and because i actually really wanted to meet him, i went to my friends home. and because i didnt tell him beforehand he was pretty surprised i guess. xD

he was playing an online game with his friend and i was just watching for quite a long time. after that he was skyping with his, i guess, closest friend, which i know as well. and after that, we were just lying on his bed and watched tv while he was sometimes answering his friends.

i thought i had feelings for him but when i thought about it my heart wasnt thumping at all. but i still really, really enjoy spending time with him. i like him very much. <:

before i had to go we took a few pictures. some of them turned out pretty nice i think cc:

still waiting for him to send me all of them. but because i was already able to be and write with him so much i dont want to bother him too much. its nice that this year ends this way. its nice that i got to see him before next year and take the lasts pictures with him.

i'm very happy that i went to his house afterall. 

yay!

today i went to buy some things and afterwards to the hairdresser!

i've got to admit that i got really nervous when i sat down to get the cut because i usually just cut my hair myself somehow and when i went to the hairdresser they never cut my hair like i wanted to expect from when i went to my hometown. afterwards i was usually rather disappointed..

but this time ... i'm totally, toooootally satisfied with the outcome!

i got side bangs, shortened my hair length and added some layers.

looks nice! cc: i didnt expect that this rather short hair would suit me this well hehe.

usually i would have long hair but because i have quiet thin and not many hair i guessed it would be better to shorten them.

a nice start for the new year, i really wanted to do that!

btw. these days i got to write with a person i like. we write actually really much. and its not like i am the only one who thinks of sth to continue our chat.

aww, that makes me happy. c: he makes me happy.

half of the vacations are already over and i nearly didnt start with learning and homeworks.

but today i really dont want to learn!

sitting in my bed already with my guitar beside me. today i'll only play guitar and chill. c:

tomorrow i'll go with two friends to the planetarium because i have some coupons!

looking forward it because, you know i really like the sky and the stars.

and after that .. i really have to  will start with homeworks and so on. (:

thats it.

the next days i'll add a picture because right now i'm on the laptop and

 not on my pc where my photographs are.

♥

suffering

my wisdom tooth got taken out. the process itself didnt hurt much, but now after a few hours past i'm getting pretty hard headaches. i got medicine but i cant take it because it consists lactose. /:

i neve had such a strong headache .. ah its really painful. but thats not what bothers me the most.

the thing is that i think the place where my tooth got taken out was sewed really strange.. i think. hopefully i'm wrong. but i think the way it was sewed hurts the most. 

i wonder if its away by tomorrow. because tomorrow i've actually plant to meet some friends if its getting better. cause there is no way that i'll come spitting blood, having strong headaches and not being able to eat anything. ah i didnt think that it would be such a pain even afterwards. next week my next 2 teeth have to be taken out ..

please let the way he sewed be "normal" it would be too troublesome if not .. 

btw. one more thing.

the moon tonight is really, really beautiful. it shines so much and the few stars i can see around him are beautiful. i wish i could always see the pretty starry sky.

and not just sometimes from my balcony..

no picture today. ;;

sigh*

my mom making food for me- yummy~ 

everytime i sight it really seems like i'm ageing (?).

and with sighing i dont mean like heaving a sight of relief.

i always feel bad afterwards. do you know that feeling?

but sometimes its inevitable because i am doing it spontanious without thinking :c

sick and tired

am i the only one who have to TRY to approach you?

why is it always me who have to come to you, who have to find a topic to talk to, to laugh to

why dont you come once

its because you dont want me to read your mind?

so should i stop doing that? do you even know why i am doing that?

it's because i worry about you, because i care!

i'm really getting tired of this. i dont have the patience for this. it does hurt me, too, okey?

always thinking about how you could feel, but i dont want to.

cant i be a bit egoistic once?

why is it always me who have to bare it, who have to be kind and smile?

i dont want to anymore.

<:

pretty, isn't it? haha

bought me the novel "l change the world" '_______'

i almost finished reading it. gosh i'm so in love with it and the live action movie ♥

it's really, really awesome! i recommend it highly! <:

later i'll go to a little birthday party withan overnight stay. we'll make a movie night (?) <:

i hope it'll be fun. i'm looking forward it! but today in the morning i ate sth i shouldnt have .. but i've still got a bit time for my tummy to rest. c:

..

cute little birdy!

how can she always be kind to everyone ??

i tried to be kind as well, but the other person seems to be hatiing !! me. i smiled and laughed at her but now she responds so aggresive LOL. should i just bear it?

those things actually pretty hurt me. and make me angry as well.

i don't want to feel those negative feelings. ; A ;

got to do my homework now.. but instead of that i'm discussing with her. why cant she be a bit nicer to me, like she is to the others. she used to be kind to me as well WTF.

ok .. just bear  it?

not yet.

pretty huh? this photo was taken in oxford <:

i tried but i know the me now cant be like that. 

cant be so pure and kind like her. 

but even if i cant be like that yet, 

one day i'll hope that i'll be able to.


today i came to learn a lot things, i actually know but never didnt much attention to.
first. if you present sth. you've got to present it full of yourself to be able to convince the listeners.
if you always say "i think", or "i guess" it doesnt sound that you're sure, so your listeners won't be truly convinced from the thingsy ou said and think that maybe it's true or maybe not.
the second thing is that people who have a lower voice tend to appear more confident and trustfull in their words. people who have a higher voice tend to seem unsure and more likeable to lie.

so notice for me: pay more attention to those points! c:

♥

yesterday before i fell asleep i thought that a sincere hug would be nice.

and in my dream i dreamt about a person i know from school. he was so kind and friendly to me. we came to know each other better and we kind of fell in love. now that i write it here like this it sounds weird because it is a person i know, but i had such a warm feeling. i felt so safe and sound with him. my heart was racing. ah it was awesome <:

^ _____ ^

pretty huh ? c:

arrived yesterday from my school trip and it was a w e s o m e !

i did not want to return actually but at the last day i got sick so it was ok.

but during the days before i hold a strict diet and almost everything was good! sometimes i felt a little, little bit ill, but it felt so good, to live a week without my problems. i think things will turn out better from now on about my illness.

i got to know three persons and i came to really like them. especially one. she is like an angel. really pretty on the outside and maybe even prettier on the inside. so pure! that people like that even exist! really impressed.

i hope i can become like her. <:

i did not buy a lot which i think is ok but i lost something at the airport or the airplane.. it was something like a souvenir coint, pretty and a memento... sad that i've lost it .. but i cant change it. :c

some of the things i bought, i think, i will upload the following days but here are some pictures i took during the trip! in total i took 540 pictures those 5 days. a lot of precious memories for me!! c:

 balloons of pizza hut suddenöy flew away.

snapshot!

worried /:

when i was still allowed to eat strawberries /:

i will go to abroad for a week with my class but i am really, really worried about my sickness. i am holding a strict diet but i still have big problems with my digestion. i do not know what to do or eat else...

i will be praying that it will get better there.. otherwise i think this study trip will not be a lot of fun /: .. but the opposite.

for the study trip itself i am really looking forward to .. but i am so afraid that i will get sick. /: it is really no fun and it is not like i have only stomach aches .. that really would not be a problem at all! i would even prefer really strong injuries instead of this problems i have..

please pray with me as well :c

DD':

just finished watching a show .. it was so sad. really just cried a lot. so touching.

this may sound awkward and weird but it really teached me a lot about life.

kkk

went there with some friends <:

should appreciate more. keep fighting!

:x

how can i be so selfish and jealous.. /:

 i don't understand myself for those negative feelings. i really hate that. i don't want to think bad about friends. i want to cheer with my friends even if i myself have got a hard time.

it's not the princip if i'm happy, you can be happy, if i'm sad you have to be sad as well.

i really hate that. 

how can my heart be so ugly sometimes?

brrr

its so cold i swear!! TT
got to go out and learn with my friend now |: aww

got 33 followers!

so randrom haha sorry. 

like the colors. they match so prettily  ♥

don't.

i shouldn't expect someone to understand me.

don't even hope for it. 

just don't.

ah

i want to be able to fight with a friend as well.. cause i think thats what friendship is about. fighting, making up, getting closer.. i really envy those people. but to be honest i 'never' had a real fight. i dont even want to urge and only try to prevent fights. always thinking about, how the other person could react on my actions.

aah. kokoro connect is an awesome anime. i love those kinds of animes, and the story is awesome. true friendship..thats what i wish for.

aww

my friend just told me sth super, super nice.  

she said that i would make a good impression at first sight .. and that i'm charasmatic!!

no one ever told me that.

ok.. super rdm stuff, but it just made me happy. haha

♪

sungha jung, my idol and my inspiration!

in order to meet him again, and become someone i've got to practice more and more!

it's my goal to make him remember me.

cc:

i just found this emoticon.

ρ(｀Д´o【｡☆ｆｉｇｈｔ!!☆｡】o｀Д´)９

isnt it cute? hahah love the smiley's expressions.
fighting!!

phew

my lack of confidence kills me. really.

i dont know what i should think. whats right or wrong. why doesnt anybody help me?

doushite.
it's like no one appreciates my efforts.
i hate that. i really do.

its to much

its too much. its too hard to bring the strength up and laugh everything away.

i'm sick of acting. no one knows how i feel, how hurt i am.

in the end.. if i really need someone, no one's there.

- sometimes i wish to have a heart of stone.

whats going on??

i never expected us to get in a 'fight'.
getting ignored.. from a person, i never expected to, hurts, lol.

that's

my selfprotection.

suffering D-:

one of my favourite bands is going to perform today in a country which isnt thaat far away. maybe you guys (from which guys am i even talking about lol? remember that i planned to search for a job etc. in order to go to a concert which i already planned with my friend .. but in the end we had to cancel it.. it was like almost decided but then .. :-(
it's so sad. i see so many posts about them everywhere...

but instead of being in london , waiting for them to perform i've got to do many,many homeworks.. plus searching for a work placement (!!)

sigh..

anyways.
here's the present i mentioned somewhere below. ok you cant see very much .. someday i'll make another photo with the 'real' things inside haha
got it from a "rockerrish" (?) friend. most of the people just give sth they like as well as a present, but this one is really girlish with the dried roses and stars. - i told her that i like stars- plus inside is a lot of gold glitter. i really appreciate that gift, cause she seemed to have thought about it a lot (-:

the  paper thing is a tabulatur for a guitar~

aww

my school day was okay. a bit of a fake like usual these days, but after school.. it became really bad again.
i thought of my mistakes again, what could i've done wrong that it become like this, how should i act now. - just what to do next.

but a good friend gave me a present at school, but i didnt open it there, cause i usual prefer t open presents for myself when i'm alone. and because i was in such a bad mood when i arrived at home, i didnt open it right away, but i finally did now. and i've got to say:

it's the best present i've ever got. i'm just so happy about it!
i'll post pictures of it the following days.
aw, i really have to thank her tomorrow!!

acting

it's all just an act. - but i guess its better like that. it's more 'fun' this way and it's not that depressing.

but i'm still hoping for someone to see through this fassade.. 

and through my fake smile.

embarrassing

i was just surfing on the internet and listening to music, but when an awesome cover song started, i started to sing as well.. with the top of my voice.
now i just realized that my mother was not far from me away, standing in the kitchen and my doors were wiiiide, wide open... <:
i'm not a good singer .. but i really enjoy music.

btw. here's the cover song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zVgtM5KVpE&feature=g-vrec

i'm the worst.

aww

i've got school for 2 days now. holidays ended ): but everythings fine so far (:
now i've got japanese lessons again. today will be the first time. it's a new class, but they all have known each other for one year now. i'll get going now, wish me luck please. (:
watashi wa ganbatte ne ~

awesomeness

the concert was really awesome! i'll definitely never forget this day in my hole life!

i even got a sign on my guitar.. it's the most precious thing i own and treasure. someday i'd like to be like him. i want him to notice me that's my goal. that's why i've decided to become a great guitarist. he's such an inspiration and my idol.

i can to that.

good mood!

it's too funny. XDDD
one or two hours earlier a concert was announced in a neighbour country and i DEFINITELY want to see them !!!
i was so excited to hear those news that i had to write my friend, cause we're both big fands of them !!
and now we're planning our trip there, looking for a job, a fly and so on. but we didn't even asked our parents for permission. LOL
but a few problems are coming up. i hope they get solved soon. cause i'M TOTALLY looking forward it and i'm sooo motivated to work! the day after tomorrow we're going to applicate for some jobs hahaha. - just solved the current one. ♥

happy. c:

.. but the biggest problem still awaits us..
: her parents!

inspired

lol. i got inspired from watching videos on yt hehe.
but today i went to a doctor and made a lactose test, thats why i feel a bit sick.. it seems like i really got sth against lactose. actually i got really, really sick, that's why i had to cancel a meet with my friend, too.
so now i've got to stay at home and clean up, washing dishes and doing sth. for my mother..
goal for sunday:

skinny thights (!!!); like the most important
finding a way to make my outgrown bangs look well, or decide to cut them myself
memorize tabs
learn some songs on guitar

that's it for now c:

gotta be a huge post <:

cause now i'm going to tell you the hole story.
actually theres not that much to say about our so called "fight"

it's about me and my friend. we know each other for about two years now, but it feels like several more.
normaly i'm not good in talking at all. i can't even talk to people whom i know for about four, five years or more. it really depends on the person themselves. i don't have much friends like that..
so i really treasure those.

we had a lot of fun together those 2 years and my family liked him to and trust him, that's why i got to go with him to places and events, where my parents would let me never go. but he got to like me and he confessed. after that i was a bit disturbed.. i can't handle such situations well and thats why there was a short time when i kind of ignored him. well, i didn't ignore him but tried a bit to hold a distance. atfer some time everything was fine again and we were like before. sometimes i still got the feeling that he likes me but after a while i really know it. it was ok but i still tried to take consideration, so i won't make him false hopes. this last  for maybe about a year but two till three months ago he confessed again. he told me all his feelings like i changed and doesn't treat him like before, that's why he felt so hurted. but i tried to explain him that it wasn't my intension and that i didn't notice that. i really didn't held a distance or sth like that like before. so i just apologized for that cause i didn't want that and i told him that i really like him but .. only as a normal friend.

after that i saw him on my way home from school in a bus and just tried to smile at him, he said hello but didn't take place where i am and just continued sitting there, so i went with my friends searching for a place. when we had to change the bus, we all went together in there and me and my friends took place, but he just went past us. atfer that he kinda ignored me at school and so on. in the beginning he still greeted me but then he stopped even that. he still greeted my friends/ our friends but left me behind.
one day i sent him a sms asking whether he's in school and if he has got time to talk, but he said "not really".
it just really hurted. that time i was together with my friends in the cafeteria. when i wrote him i went away where nobody is and just cried after that reply. after i waited till my eyes were 'normal' i went back, turned my music on, turned a bit away from the others and just heart music.
holding the tears back.
one friend noticed it and asked me if i was okey and i replied yes..
but couldn't hold back, atfer she asked me directly and so i started to break out in tears.
i never ever cried before them and i didn't want to happen that but it was just too much that time.
usually i just cry alone. hold back until i'm home and cry silently.
later he wrote me that we could write on facebook so i thought he saw me, but it turned out he didn't.

on fb i asked him whats going on, but he just said that he doesn't feel well, so i confrontated him that he still talks normally to the others but not to me. he completly started to ignore me and didn't even take a look in my direction. after a nearly useless discussion he confessed that he stopped talking to a few persons and so on, cause he felt like they were only using him for their purposes, so i stated "so you think that i only uses you?" and he was like .. not really.
me: what do you mean by that?
he: just indirectly
me: what did i do?
he: only talking and writing me if you need sth.
after that i was completely shocked. i didn't know what to say cause i have never expected that.. so i just said:
"i'm sorry if thats seems to you like that or if i really have done that."
he: it's ok. anyways we should talk about it personally. someday.

but actually it was him who didn't want to talk personaly..
anyways.. i didn't really talk to him anymore. after that he came a few times to my house but just to go away with my sister. after every visit i cried.
i cried really a lot because of that.

since then i decided a few weeks ago not to think about it anymore. cause i used to blame me for everything, even if i actually know that i didn't make anything wrong, i still search for the failures on my side

a week ago i decided to be happy and stop with everything of that.
 stop apologizing, stop saying you're welcome, stop saying it's ok.

just beeing happy, think positive, laugh and don't cry. until now i was fine.
but writing that, memorizing and thinking about this- i had to cry again.

next week on sunday we will go to a concert from a person i really admire. with friends.
we were actually supposed to go alone, but luckily it turned out like this now.

"luckily". i thought i would be the luckiest person on earth, meeting this person, but i can't be happy at all.
i decided to behave normally in front of him like we used to, in order to enjoy the concert, but i'm not sure whether i'm able to do that. .. but no! i definitely will. cause i don't want sth to destroy this awesome chance.

so thats it. i didn't tell this story anyone! and maybe i'll keep this to me forever. but it actually really burdened me.

tinymiracle 12/08/18

already so much time left since my last post.
so many things happened which i'd like to write about but the pictures i took aren't on this pc and i haven't much time left cause i'm going to met two friends soon! (:
even if nothing really happened, the time is really hard for me. it's like it's getting worse and worse.
i went to a camp for 1 week and just eat vegetarian/ vegan food cause i they just cook those two kinds. i didn't ate for a week any milk products and avoided fruits, too !!
but i still got stomach ache and so on .. medicin didn't helped either so it's obviously that this can't be the reason for my illness. /:
i also often have knee aches, which my sister has got, too. that's why she went to a doctor, who told her, that she goes wrong or sth. like that. now i'm kinda afraid, that i've got sth. with my knees, too.
plus these days it seems like i've got hair loss!!
i've always got sth on my mind, and my problems with a friend aren't solved yet. i'm still thinking about it a lot and i didn't came up with a solution. sight.
i've got to search for a work placement as well.

i feel so stressed and the fact that it's probably the reason for my illness, wherefore i have to avoid stress, stress me, too.

it's such a "vicious" circle !
even though i'm supposed to have vacations. /:
anyways .. that's it for now.



tinymiracle

oh it's already 21th july~

today's my friends birthday~

okay uhm. *trying to remember what happened the last days*
oh right. yesterday was my last school day and now i've got sommer holidays! but actually .. i still don't have the "holiday-feeling" and i feel like getting sicker everyday .. even if i don't eat ANYTHING at all. )-': 
i don't know what to do. i've even bought a tea for indigestions which i'm drinking right now haha. hope it helps. ''

and.. do you remember the guy who used to hit me all the day and never sais anything nice to me? yesterday on our way home we were alone and ,just before our ways splittet, i thought about what i should say or how i should say goodbye cause it was the last day before holidays, but then he suddenly gave me a kind of hug and wished me happy holidays! i wondered so much about how kind he was to me! i know he's a really nice person but i'm just not used to it if he is nice to ME. anyways i was really happy about it. (-:

btw. i applied nail polish on my nails and it looks awesome. it was inspired by yt tutorials and the starry sky and like you should already know i LOVE the sky. ♥

one more time, one more chance

i just heard this beautiful ost http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MH2qHfu45ds&feature=g-vrec. reading the title of the cd "one more time, one more chance" really inspired me to another way of thinking. nowadays i'm always depressed and think of everything i've done wrong and so on.. but .. now it's really a time for change. i know.. i have said that already so many times but there's nothing wrong in trying right? i shouldn't just think of my mistakes but how i can improve on them. it's only human to make mistakes. it's okay. everyone make mistakes and i'm still young, i still have my hole life forward me.
so let's think positive and live your life like you want to.
because you live only once.

12.59

i read this quotation from michelle phan:
" t's okay to struggle towards becoming a better person. It shouldn't matter how long the journey takes... as long as you get there with the people who will walk with you till the end. :)"


and it does really suit here! (-:
plus this image, which she posted. 

bubz. she's such an inspiration!
http://youtu.be/DdGNWyq8nsQ

friday 13rd !

yeeees, but nothing happened. just like every year hehe.

today was pretty good cause i acted like nothing happened. and .. it was the right choice i guess. after school i and three friends went to one of those friend's home and we chilled a bit. went out, bought something to eat and made thiiiis. fast food .. but it tasted good haha. (-:

 yummy ~

AH !! 

i got these posters from my friend today ♥

beast

 and mblaq **

but i went home earlier because i didn't feel well )-:

and i've got to buy a present for my friends who will turn nineteen tomorrow.. ><

btw, isn't my friend's cat lovely? ♥

sorry..?

i don't know why but i feel so left alone. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to fight for. whether it's worth fighting or not.

just apologizing won't help. plus .. what should i even apologize for? such an awkwaard feeling.

it's really depressing.

nevertheless.
i tried to make a good day, have a little bit time for myself and just chill.
i went to a park and just lied down~
it was WONDERFUL. i really enjoyed it a lot. a calm place/park+sun+ music = awesome combination.
have to repeat that. ~
just a picture with my crappy handy camera cause i forgot my digital camera at home.. )-':

when i went home i .. cut fruits OO i was kinda bored i guess.

the combi of grapes, nectarines and bananas is unexpected good!

aaaand today my bagpack and pencil case arrived. ♥
mickey mouuuse!

actually it's for KIDS LOL therefore the straps are a liiittle bit cort ..
 but it's okay. ~

and the pencil case~

a liittle bit big and long.. but let's see.  (-:

mhhm

he just acts as "nothing" happened. and i really dislike that...

anyways. my mangas arrived today~

censored lol ~

and my beloved shoes!!

they themself look AWESOME but .. in reality the quality is sooo bad )-':

btw. i've got a bet between me and my friend. we wanted to get better together in playing guitar.. so we started with the song canon d (fingerstyle) and we have to play it until sunday PERFECTLY otherwise a punishment will wait for us hahah ... i hope i'll make it in time haha ~

.. <:

didn't manage it to remedy the shortcoming (?; just googled the expression. don't know whether its right in this context thought)

but i can't let my friends worry anymore. today one of them even cried because of me because she worried so much.. luckily i don't feel like crying because of "that" anymore. let's so how it will developes.

nevertheless. today i went to make a pretest before the lactose- and fructoseintolerance test.

and .. my stomach doesn't tolerate (?) it. it already grumbled for like one or two hours.

fot the test i made, i wasn't allowed to eat for 12 hours and in the shool i didn'tz eat anything either. that's why all in all i didn't eat for 17,5 hours!!

that's the first i got to eat when i got home. ~

yummy (-:

:x

yeees..

tried to hold back at school but when my friend asked me whats going on, i couldn't hold back. geeez. i didn't want to cry in front of them all.. anyways i'm going to try to fix the thing which is on my mind. 

oh and before i forgot. i got this from my mom which she got from a friend. and because currently i don't really have a pencil case i'd like to use it as it but .. it doesn't really suit my image. haha

someday maybe ~

and today my shoes arrived. ♥

btw. i just found the quotation:

"the best way to predict

the future is to create it"

logical but nice mhm? (-:

-why is the background sometimes white and sometimes not?! geez ;__;-

aaaand:

can't be happy thought.

i sound like an emo .. hahaha

it's just .. all my exams and so on are ove but i still have the feeling that there's something to do. that there's something left.. my heart still can't lift up. (?)

but on friday i went with friends to one of thems home. haha

we ate cake and sang karaoke~ at the end we chased flies .. and it was quite funny. really!

yesterday i again went to my friends house. we played guitar, made pancakes, pudding aaand made a guitar out of ironpearls. ~

our pancakes ~

and the selfmade pudding~
looks good right?? but unfortunately it didn't tasted as good as it looks..
oh here's the tutorial for it:
http://youtu.be/N6JZx86OyXM

last one <3 

:D

right now my life is so messy .. :D
feel like crying.  oh no, i already did. but i can't cry much because otherwise my eyes will swollen up and everybody will notice! i wonder whether my friend noticed it today at school because usually he always hits me and beats me, even if it's just for fun, but today he just hugged me..

hui~

today i felt really happy, cuz my friend who i thought would hate me, didn't seem to do so! yesterday was her birthday but i didn't get to see her at school so i had to give her present to her today and she seemed to be so surprised and happy! i was really glad, cause i felt bad all the time because i kind of left her in the lurch.
but now i feel really relieved. ~

by the way. in the somer holidays i'm going to a music camp with two friends!
i'm so excited about it because the homepage sounded so GREAT! we don't have to know how to play an instrument, we can learn it there, form a band and they'll introduce us to instruments and help us writing our first songs.
honestly, doesn't this sound just AMAZING? ♥
today i got the registration form.

what else.. hmm..
i'm really exhausted and tired but i stil have to prepare my presentation for tomorrow, make homeworks and maybe if i'll be able to manage it i have to begin with my essay.
_

• oh and the results of my docor's visit are .. actually nothing. nothing came out, they didn't know what's the reason of my sickness. maybe it's stress but hopefully not, cause i can't really do something against that, cause it's only naturally. next week i'm going to make a test for lactose- and fructoseintolerance. this, i will have to repeat 3 times after i can get the final results.

• you know? i actually have braces.. and it was planned the day before yesterday the doctor would decide wether they could take it off or not but it was moved FOUR weeks later...
  normally it wouldn't really bother me but i planned to go to a concert with MEET AND GREET and i definitely do not want to go there WITH them!! luckily there's still a little hope that they'll get out before that day.. 

i was really so wannabe like, that a put a sign underneath .. but the picture is amazing, right?

finally ..!

i'm through aaaaall my exams! ♥ just 3-4 little things to do left.
it was a really horrible time, i had always sth on my mind and was totally under stress! still a liiiiittle bit left but the nice weather here makes me forget it and relax. ~
even though i wanted to stay neutral here and kinda stay "anonymous" i'll just stop it. cause otherwise i couldn't post a few things i have on my mind.



first of all
.. my new two sherlock homes novels arrived this morning! 
waited so long for them! thought i have to write them an email but luckily there's no need for it anymore. ~


today is the first free day for so long, so i planned on going shopping. ♥
asked my sister to go with me, but i think i'll just go alone. cause i think just being alone and go for a stroll could be really nice, too. ★

.

always hiding the sadness and anger
always holding back the tears
always hoping for a change

it hurts. it really does.

|:

just again i saw some pictures of friends and their friends having fun and so on.
seeing them so happy even if they, too, got their own styles and are a bit different from the norm, they still seem to enjoy their live so much. i really, really envy them for that.
because every single, little thing can hurt me.. i have to learn to differentiate between the things that are important to me.
even if i know that it makes no sense to think about this or that i still do it.. and that's really horrible.
i just don't want that. it's good for nothing and just makes yourself down.
yes, i know that. i know it. but still.. my heart feels so heavy.

i want to be confident.

*__*

gosh, i totally forgot to post about something yesterday!
the thing is .. that AWESOME guy i've written about added me yesterday *____*
i know .. it's probably nothing behind that because he has about 4,5k friends there but still .. it really made me happy. ♥

by the way.
on the 24th June is going to be another little event. i'd like to go with some of my friends there but nothings clear yet... i hope it will work out.

root for me.
_

i have to exert myself more ...

waah ♥

today was really an aaawesome day!
it was so much fun! we went shopping, we went strolling next to the river where the event took place in, made a looot of pictures and so on. i met so many friends like one friend i have known for already three years but never met and one childhood friend which i haven't seen anymore since i moved away with about 4 years. she even gave me a little present. it was a little chain with a jade stone (?). ♥ aww, that was just too cute from her!

but one thing i really regret is .. that i didn't checked a photo after it was taken. because i had a friend taken a picture from me and sb .. but it came out that it wasn't made or sth like that... 
and it was like love at first sight ..


it was such a pity but i came to make another picture with him and another friend of mine together. even though the first "picture" was so .. perfect, it's better then nothing, right? ;; 


i have to think positively. 


... he was so good looking, i swear.  ////
like the best looking guy i ever saw (!!) 


noo, it's not good to regret!


if it's destiny we will meet again.. jk. or maybe not?

♥

sooo tired!

i just drew my entry for an contest (?).
i don't think that i'll win 1st, 2nd or 3rd but if im lucky i can win an excess profit and that would be awesome!

my exam which i have written today was .. okey. not rlly bad but not good either.

mhhm.
i think im going to bed now. even if it's still early but tomorrow i'm going to an huuuge event which is just once in a year! therefore i have to wake up at about 3 or 4 am because i still don't know what to wear. ><
geeeeez.

hope tomorrow will be good cause i'm a little scared that i'll become an outsider among my friends. (?)
funny, huh? but i do have this feeling every now and then ..