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the last days were SO AWESOME.

but now i've been hit into my heart? again. everything is taken by me very personal.

why do i even do that?! i HATE that. ah i'm depressed. still have got homework to do.

iya da!!

sun ♥

today was such a nice weather! 

because of a school friend it was sometimes rather sad, because he plans to drop out of school .. but after school i skipped japanese lessons.... and went with some friends and him to a river. we didnt do much but just laying there while talking about some randrom things are so nice. ♥

still i wish that he won't drop out.. because he's somehow a really dear friend to me and i bet to the hole class as well.

please stay!

if you keep calm you'll never be a super sayajin!

slowly getting scared ppl might recognize my blog lol

love how the birds fligh across my window!

anyways. today was a quiet beautiful day :>

got to 'met' an old friend of mine ^__^

plus ..

i got to be with that one person ♥ 

xc

why do I always fear about what people might think about me after I do, write or say anything. I'd love to have the confidence of my friend //: can't learn. too tired and too stressed. it's really stressful to have do many expectations from others apart of mine which are really high even without the ones of the others. seriously my own ones are more than enough. I know I'm really hard to myself. I'd wish a shoulder to lean on.

unbelievable

the person from the last post wrote me things like i miss you, when will we see again, why dont you come over next month? and after two days thinking/ learning for school i just wrote him that i probably dont feel the way he feels for me. omg so weird //:

and the last day a friend (boy) from my class started writing me things like honey, we're meant for eachother, i know you feel the same way and because he always jokes aroung and is in class the "moodmaker" i naturally thought it was a joke. and i still think that was nothing serious.

but yesterday i joked around as well calling him honey or sth similiar, and he joined as well.

afterwards he often hugged me, joked around, made me sit next to him and leaned his head on my shoulder usw. , and because i thought he stil had a girlfriend i thought he wasnt serious but in the end of the day i found out that they werent together anymore, even though i couldnt believe him because i usually should have known that, and my friend said sth like " why else do you think he kept following you" .

and i was just shocked OO and his "ex"girlfriend is in my class as well and even though we're not really friends, i still like her. i seriously cant belive this but perhaps i'm just totally wrong.

why doesnt just the one person i think i like, likes me. that would be more than enough!

having others like me makes me feel so uncomfortable even though i should be happy or appreciate it?  //:

omg

our family had guests, which are sleeping over today. (??)

we once visited our guests and i was like a totally outsider. i talked and 'hanged out' a bit with the younger girls but once they were gone i was just chilling around while my sister had fun with the other 'older' ones. today i had a bad feeling in the beginning as well. it was really uncomfortable. then i, my sister and a boy watched a movie together, since then it got better and i felt more natural. everything was fine i guess. until about 1-2 hours. i watched a horror movie with the cousin of the boy before and it was pretty normal. late when it got 'scarier' he took my hand and i just started laughing since i didnt expected that he was that scared. but he grabbed Both hands the hole movie. and that really tightly, atfer letting go clicking the next video, he took my hand again. and so on. when we finished the movie and watched with the laptop musicvideos he intended many times to grab my hand. after A LOT of tries he grabbed my wrist, and then my hand OO but let go right away. before i said goodbye because we had to go, he hugged me about 3 times, linked arms, and then kissed my cheek OO!

watching the movie together with him made me already think that he likes me but after that i guess it was 110% sure!! thats so.. like really, really awkward. i liked him because he always helped me out when i was making myself into an outsider, and he's really nice and funny and a good person, but .. liking me makes it SO awkward.

plus .. 

if it seems like people cant stand me, i feel like why? what have i done wrong? 

but when people like/love me, i think.. what is there to like about me? i seriously couldnt think of anything. i didn't speak much like almost nothing because i'm not good in my motherlanguage and shy. everything i did was laughing watching the movie.. can that even be enough ??

feels so strange. have to learn for a very, very important presentation tomorrow/ today //: