mixxed

got mixxed feelings.
so many things happened since the last post. unbelieevable. its only 2 month ago?
actually dont want to write everything down here. its just i did a lot wrong things refering to the person i liked. thinking how i must've hurt him makes me cry.. even though i'm not in the position to cry haha.
the days with the three of us.. i wonder if its possible for them to come back.

that would be .. just awesome.

i dont know whether i should approach or leave him alone though cause he said he has to ignore me cause i cant bear it.. the last day i could chat with him pretty normal though, i was so happy about that!

i'm now seeing the other person though.. i/we wanted to keep it a secret more or less, but it's out? now and i'm a bit afraid how much it'll spread in school after the holidays end next week. this is what really troubles me somehow. plus i've already enough to do for school :'> maybe i'm getting quite scared of people again. i need to be more comfortable with myself ._.

but

in 5 days theres a concert .. and i'm really looking forward to it. thought i've got to skip 1-2 schooldays.

but i bet it'll be awesome!! i need to get contactlenses until then, but i wont be able to purchase it online cause it wont arrive on time probably.. time moves so fast !! 

oh. and i'm currently making a crochet scarf? i dont know the verb. crocheing? thaha

but .. its my first time and .. thats why its gotten wider and smaller and it really bothers me actually but it'll be a birthday gift so i dont have much time left plus i already have enough to do for school.. xx

I dont know what to wear for the concert yet !! have to go shopping?? but last time i already spent so much money for clothes :(( winter clothes are so expensive. compared to what i usually spent for shopping, which is barely much cause i dont want to spend too much on clothes :( since we dont have that much money.. i'm mainly wearing my sisters clothes so i dont really HAVE to buy new clothes.. which is bothering me though, cause i dont get to wear what i really want and which expresses MY persoonality. i think the clothes you wear say a lot about yourself :) having just some clothes which i like myself now, makes me feel a lot better ^_^

plus i got a new handy <3 my last one lasted 3 years and it was cute but really old? therefore it wasnt technically really good. haha and huge as well. but now, after waiting soo long, i think 3 years are quite a long time considering the huge improvements in technology in such a short period haha, i got a new one ^_^i really liked it a lot, and because i waited some time after it got out, i saved quite some money :)

saving money now as well since i dont get pocket money and i dont work.. i should .. but i'm just too afraid of people. i know it sounds like an excuse :< but just cant yet..

thought about going oversea after i graduated in order to change that and spare some time before i have to decide what to study but i'm just really scared. not only because of that but also because i'm having dificulties with food as well. even at home i'm still often feeling sick, going oversea i won't know what to eat at all, getting sick i wont be able to always skip work? and i never had a job yet. 

i used to work sometimes in my mothers restaurant though so i've got a liiiittle little bit of experience at least.

anways.. i wrote much more than i planned to, but nevermind.

best wishes. :)